Throw Twitter in the Mircowave

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Hey, what if one time when Thanos snapped his fingers, he was thinking about himself in the moment?  The task of seeking solutions to today’s problems falls upon me, the modern be-hatted cowboy philosopher, like a Chubb safe from a hot-air balloon, but I soldier on to try to find them.  And I want to ask you: wouldn’t it be amazing if one day Twitter just…canceled itself?  All the weird inconsistencies and circular logic just sort of coalesced into a nascent superintelligence, but one which sees itself in society’s mirror and takes itself out before it can do any more damage?  

A boy can dream.

Twitter stated recently that it’s working on a way to be able to tell you, in advance, whether or not a conversation you’re about to join might become “heated”.  Look, I can save them millions in R & D right now!  YES!  It’s as simple as that!  Because you can’t go on Twitter and say literally ANYTHING without it turning into A THING for someone out there!  Don’t believe me?  If you’ve got any kind of following at all, go on and try it.  Say something about how you like your eggs in the morning, and hit me up to let me know where in the next five minutes the attack from some vegan came.  As a society, we have banded together our few remaining brain cells and decided that the toilet really is the best place for us – it’s like a ride every time someone flushes!  And the sad truth is that a majority of us probably exist in that space not despite the brain-free Jerry Springerfest that most conversations seem to turn into, but because of it!  Don’t be shy – we all know who your cousin’s baby daddy is!  

Leftist ideology grips at us mindlessly at times, but never aimlessly.  The search to eradicate your free thought – because make no mistake, it’s your thoughts they’re after when all is said and done – that goes on and on, and it claims whatever victims it claims in the meantime.  Tell you what, Twitter: when you give back your Leftist cancel culture participation trophy – which you ironically actually did earn – and decide to level the playing field, we’ll talk.  How’s about you get rid of the Ayatollah Khamenei, Al Sharpton, and whoever is in charge of toilet tweeting slash wiping Biden’s butt after he makes poo-poo – or as I like to call it, Corn Pop – and then come talk to me about how you want to advise me that a conversation might get heated!  Give me a damn break!  Throw Twitter in the microwave, folks – see what kind of heated mess comes out on the other side of the timer!